There are times in my life when I look back and cringe.. all be it at some point I can laugh at my mistakes.. it can take a while…

I appear to be having a lot of these experiences recently on my journey to ‘know  myself better!’ and to ‘grow into a more mature, wiser, loving being’.

Around six months ago I was told that my life would get very tough. That all the parts of me that didn’t belong to me would begin to change, transform and that it was a great time of transistion.. I took it well. The message was repeated.. three times over the coming months by different sources, astrologically, psychically and intuitively with the promise of November being the end of that particular journey. ‘How hard could it be?’ I told myself.. Changing old patterns.. becoming real.. being stripped of illusions… And then it started…

The best way to liken it, is to compare it to having yourself dumped into a huge food blender and being put on high speed… My entire world was turned upside down, inside out and universally spat out in little pieces with me clinging on to everything I knew for grim death… ahh… the ego, how it loves to interfere.. My ego, as  I have discovered is very stubborn with an award winning oscar for denial and resistance..

From my own personal experience  this is the wisdom and insight I have gained so far…

Do step out of your own way.. surrender, let go and know that what is going to come out of the ‘experience’ is pure truth, wisdom and a higher way of being… It may not feel like it at the time though…

Know that hanging on to  old ways of being are just an attempt to stay unconscious and if the Universe has decided to ‘re-organise’ that then you are in for a rollar coaster ride..

Know that as you are being re-arranged and re-constructed you may feel that you are going insane.. possibly bi-polar with a touch of schizophrenia…

Do not enter into a new relationship at this time… it enhances the bi-polar part and inevitably doesn’t end well…  with hindsight it would make more sense to wait for the storm to pass…

When spinning out of control.. retreat, breathe, allow it to pass and stay free of reacting from the ‘spinning’ place. All decisions made without the wisdom of the heart only hurt and cause more chaos than good.

know that like any challenge it is only temporary and that as you shift so does your reality and that what lies underneath the surface is purity, truth, love and a life that is truely greater than you can possibly imagine… The Universe really does want the best for you in every way and know that at every given moment you are being the very best that you can be with the tools you were given on this bizarre planet of human beings learning to love…

Be very careful of the company you keep… Those that claim to help may be doing more damage than good… If something or someone doesn’t feel right that is because it isn’t.

And last but not least.. forgive yourself for your mistakes… Go easy on yourself -  and learn to love yourself with grace and compassion. You are divine – It’s just your the last one to realise. The joke is always on You!

It isn’t always easy but it is rewarding… roll on November – November I love you and October.. Thank you.. My feet slowly appear to be landing back on the ground and day by day I feel a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser and everything begins to make more and more sense..

You are and will always be far greater than you could possibly imagine.. Don’t give up on who you are, your dreams, hopes and ideals.. You are the creator and master of your own reality and when things go wonky it’s only so that when you re-align those dreams, hopes and ideals are closer, larger and more magnificent than anything you could have imagined before…

Know that you are loved. you are love and that love is always around you.. dream big and live hard!

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Growing Up…

It appears to have been a time in my life where room for growth has been necessary. What I’ve noticed about me is there is a rather large amount of resistance to this process… Like there is still a small girl operating inside my being with the stubbornness and childlike world view of a… well seven year old…

After feet stamping and what I refer to as ‘wasp head’, plenty of mind games and a common english expression.. ‘head f**ks’, my child realizes that ‘yes’, she did ask for that, but no… the Universe delivered it in a completely different way to the ‘pretty packaged envision’ that she had anticipated. This is confusing for a child and then all hell breaks loose in her self constructed world…

But… there is hope…

My child is beginning to like the woman in me. And… after years of pointless ruminating she is beginning to understand that trantrums and mood swings get you nowhere… and that maybe, just maybe there is wisdom and grace in the feminine heart.

There is a feminine being with true presence and authenticity that knows how to take care of her… all she has to do is stop stamping and listen to what whispers softly deep in her being and a light comes on… A light that is able to see that everything is perfect how it is… A knowing that growing up is all about owning your insecurities, your stubborn child and a mind that can refuse to surrender with the ferociousness of a lioness… And a knowing that as that light begins to shine the stubborn kid stops stamping and starts watching – even smiling as she finally begins to realize that she is after all.. well and truly taken care of…

Growing up is about showing up… It’s about stepping into your wisdom and leaving your old ways behind… The process might not always be delicate or graceful… but it’s taking you further than you’ve ever been before and into a place where truth, wisdom, love and authenticity are your natural state and gateway into your journey back to self…

There are days when things just begin funny… You wake up and feel slightly distracted… edgy… drop things and feel unfocused… What to do? In my case I usually try to find some kind of meaning or stalk around my bungalow liked a caged lion… meditation… doesn’t work. Exercise clears the energy but still the undercurrent is there… And then… as if I didn’t know it already, I catch myself thinking dumb things, allowing insignificant thoughts to pop in and play football in my head… usually they’ve scored a hat trick before I realize I’ve been hijacked and taken hostage…

And… when even the chocolate fails… I realize something… (finally).

Some days we just wake up… not quite right. The story doesn’t matter. Did it matter yesterday when everything was balanced and harmonious?

Analyzing… mental gymnastics gets me absolutely nowhere, and sometimes… it’s just the way it is… I woke up funny. My day can change at any point that I choose to change the way I perceive it…

And then a beautiful friend emails a message of inspiration on and it all falls into place…

‘Gabrielle Wheelie Wicked-Womyn when we withhold love in relationship, in response to feeling ‘wronged’ by someone, we’re out of alignment with our natural state of love, & probably hurt ourselves more than the other through the energy it takes to withhold. It’s a good reason to make peace with yourself & loved ones today. To those I’ve withheld my love from. I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me.’

I’m making peace with Me today and sending love to You.

Today is the day that I get out of my head and back into my heart and celebrate everything that crosses my path by giving my gratitude back to life and how if you give yourself the space and chance… Something will always show you the way back to you.

I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you… x

Very recently my heart was broken. It feels weird to share this but my path is about truth and I can’t hide anymore. Who I am, where I am going and what I am becoming… Not to mention what I already am…. And the thing about broken hearts is… we have a choice. Shut down, hide and re-endorse our negative patterns – a self-created reality which then repeats itself over and over again every time we enter something outside our personal boundaries and make ourselves vulnerable to another. Or enter the pain and find the wisdom of that moment. I choose the latter. I choose to set myself free and to rise into another way…

I choose to take my wounds and love them. I choose to love and honor and forgive all teachers and myself of these places of unhealed darkness that my heart brings to my attention and I choose to be fearless in facing everything that I am. I also today choose to change the way I view all beings that walk this planet. To see the Goddess in All women and the God in All men, the highest, most beautiful vision that all spiritual beings can be… because we are All divine and unique and wonderful beyond our wildest imagination and it’s time for us All to have that Acknowledged and Seen by our Brothers and Sisters…

If I share my truth right here, right now – take my broken heart and alchemize the pain into love, to be unconditional in my way of giving, being and becoming… to surrender with grace all residence to old ways, fears, control and patterns, then I allow myself to shine brighter and stronger and this in turn affects my reality and everyone around me…

I choose to dive into my heart, strip away the illusions and to move into an even deeper place of love, authenticity, freedom, grace and joy… I am ready. Ready to really be me and in doing so, if this inspires just one person to be ready to look deep inside and know they are not alone then a little bit more magic and grace touches the Earth and gives Love, Joy and Inspiration to all that inhabit it…

Today everything changes and miracles will happen because Love and Magic is everywhere and stepping up into grace and truth is where it is…

Spread your wings and fly… you have nothing to lose and everything to gain…

A message from the heart…