Growing Up…

It appears to have been a time in my life where room for growth has been necessary. What I’ve noticed about me is there is a rather large amount of resistance to this process… Like there is still a small girl operating inside my being with the stubbornness and childlike world view of a… well seven year old…

After feet stamping and what I refer to as ‘wasp head’, plenty of mind games and a common english expression.. ‘head f**ks’, my child realizes that ‘yes’, she did ask for that, but no… the Universe delivered it in a completely different way to the ‘pretty packaged envision’ that she had anticipated. This is confusing for a child and then all hell breaks loose in her self constructed world…

But… there is hope…

My child is beginning to like the woman in me. And… after years of pointless ruminating she is beginning to understand that trantrums and mood swings get you nowhere… and that maybe, just maybe there is wisdom and grace in the feminine heart.

There is a feminine being with true presence and authenticity that knows how to take care of her… all she has to do is stop stamping and listen to what whispers softly deep in her being and a light comes on… A light that is able to see that everything is perfect how it is… A knowing that growing up is all about owning your insecurities, your stubborn child and a mind that can refuse to surrender with the ferociousness of a lioness… And a knowing that as that light begins to shine the stubborn kid stops stamping and starts watching – even smiling as she finally begins to realize that she is after all.. well and truly taken care of…

Growing up is about showing up… It’s about stepping into your wisdom and leaving your old ways behind… The process might not always be delicate or graceful… but it’s taking you further than you’ve ever been before and into a place where truth, wisdom, love and authenticity are your natural state and gateway into your journey back to self…

There are days when things just begin funny… You wake up and feel slightly distracted… edgy… drop things and feel unfocused… What to do? In my case I usually try to find some kind of meaning or stalk around my bungalow liked a caged lion… meditation… doesn’t work. Exercise clears the energy but still the undercurrent is there… And then… as if I didn’t know it already, I catch myself thinking dumb things, allowing insignificant thoughts to pop in and play football in my head… usually they’ve scored a hat trick before I realize I’ve been hijacked and taken hostage…

And… when even the chocolate fails… I realize something… (finally).

Some days we just wake up… not quite right. The story doesn’t matter. Did it matter yesterday when everything was balanced and harmonious?

Analyzing… mental gymnastics gets me absolutely nowhere, and sometimes… it’s just the way it is… I woke up funny. My day can change at any point that I choose to change the way I perceive it…

And then a beautiful friend emails a message of inspiration on and it all falls into place…

‘Gabrielle Wheelie Wicked-Womyn when we withhold love in relationship, in response to feeling ‘wronged’ by someone, we’re out of alignment with our natural state of love, & probably hurt ourselves more than the other through the energy it takes to withhold. It’s a good reason to make peace with yourself & loved ones today. To those I’ve withheld my love from. I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me.’

I’m making peace with Me today and sending love to You.

Today is the day that I get out of my head and back into my heart and celebrate everything that crosses my path by giving my gratitude back to life and how if you give yourself the space and chance… Something will always show you the way back to you.

I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you… x