Angels and how they influenced my life… This is a bit like coming out of the closet for me, to really talk about angels, openly and honestly. You see I was a very reluctant participant in ‘this angel stuff’. To me angels were these feathered beings that gave biblical messages and took care of Jesus when he was born, I really knew nothing else about them and wasn’t really that interested. Even now when I say I channel angels, a little part of me gets embarrassed as in; ‘are people going to think I’m bonkers?’ Or ‘Do I look like a strange ethereal floaty person that talks in spiritual rhymes and rhythms with some holy light surrounding me?’ Of course the answer to all of this is… er… no. I actually do not consider myself to be ‘fluffy’, ‘floaty’, ‘ethereal’ or ‘angelic’. I’m just me.
If I look back on my life and try to figure when I had my first contact with angels what comes to me is lying in bed around the age of 21, unable to sleep, totally miserable, depressed and spending yet another night wondering why on earth I was here. By here I mean on this planet. To me it was a very barbaric, miserable place where people were cruel to each other and life was painful. I lead a rather tortured existence, no direction or purpose, depressed with various ‘mental labels’ and numbing it all out with hard drugs, soft drugs, anything I could lay my hands on. I was hardly what I would have thought a candidate for angels. I didn’t even want to be alive. I would spend countless nights crying myself to sleep, asking whatever was up there in the sky to take me back. I really hated living on planet earth.
It was on one of those occasions that as I was lying in bed, trying to figure out ways to escape my miserable life that something strange happened. I felt a presence in my room. It was so powerful that I actually looked up but nothing was there and yet I suddenly felt extremely peaceful, it’s like I was wrapped up in a huge bubble of love and waves were radiating through my body. It wasn’t like any human love I’d ever felt. My experience of human love in those days was that it was very rare and came with terms and conditions and if you didn’t adhere then you were punished. I’d been punished a lot. This love was different. This love was like it didn’t matter what I did or who I was, I was loved anyway. It was so beautiful, unconditional and full of acceptance and gratitude that I fell asleep to it immediately and woke up with a strange but comforting feeling. Something was taking care of me.
Now I was a bit of a strange child, I saw native American Indians in my bedroom as a small child, fairies in my teenage years, knew I had spirit guides in my early twenties but I had never experienced the love of an angel.
The angels then began to use me. Angels can’t interfere in our lives unless we ask for help and I had been asking for help ever since I remember being conscious of it to some unseen force. My earliest age I remember was the age of 4 when I saw my first native American spirit guide. So I guess I asked for it. There were several occasions where I was in a potentially dangerous situation where people were about to get hurt and the same presence would totally overwhelm me and I would just hug the person in pain/anger/trauma and they would crumble in my arms.
On one occasion after a heavy drug fueled night, I led a mountain of a man who was about to have a psychotic breakout gently to bed and tucked him in before I went home. No one ever mentioned it again because it was too weird. One minute he was overdosing on ketamine and smashing up his kitchen, about to start on the people and the next minute he was crying in my arms. He felt the angels too. As I held him, his whole life flashed through me, his pain, his trauma and all of the bad things he’d done to other people. He started to cry and try and explain and the angel within me just told him to shush. That it was all ok, that he was loved and that’s when he melted. I put him to bed and quietly left the house. It was time to leave the party.
And that’s what I mean. I was and am no angel. These days I can’t touch drugs, any drugs including pot. They are so poisonous to my system and the company I keep is really important to me. But those days I was dancing with danger, loving every minute of it and dicing with death on a regular basis. What to do when you don’t want to be here? But the angels had other ideas.
Angelic Wake Up Call
The biggest clap of angelic thunder happened when I was 30. It was such an extraordinary experience that I had no choice but to do something about it. My dad had cancer. I had been strongly warned by some part of my soul that if the cancer ever came back it was my duty to take care of him and when it did sadly return I lived 45 minutes away. I nursed him until the end. My dad was a toughie. He really didn’t want to die. He outlived numerous patients in the hospice but finally he slipped into a coma and it was time. It happened again. I was totally surrounded in this pure, beautiful love and as I held his hand and spoke to him in trance… the angels and I, we told him to use my body to leave. He had so many people around him that their grief and pain were keeping him trapped on the earth plain. He left through my body. I have never been so blissed out or high in my life as I was that day. I now understand that the amount of light and voltage that went through me as my body opened up to the light gave me what is known as a kundalini awakening. It took me 3 days to come out of that space and I am lucky I did. I would have been locked up with ‘Jesus syndrome’ otherwise, I was so high and happy all I could do was call person after person and tell them it was ok. There was a place far more beautiful than planet earth and that one day we would all return. Total loony bin stuff to the average human being although very real to those who have had spiritual or near death experiences.
And what now? Well I couldn’t stay in London, I was deeply unhappy so I left. I booked a one way ticket to Thailand and here I am. Through my travels I would joke that Gabriel was my guardian angel and then one day on a visit to India I met a teacher. She saw Gabriel and numerous other angels and that was it. All of a sudden I was working with angels. There are zillions of other stories about my angelic friends but this is it for now…
Angels… What Are They?
Let me tell you what angels are to me. They are enormously powerful light beings full of love for us humans. Maybe they are aliens from another universe and due to my particular upbringing as a Christian they came to me as angels. I really can’t answer that., They don’t have feathers, although finding feathers in your life can be a message from them. They are not male or female although Michael has a very masculine presence and Gabriel has a mischievous, feminine energy but the most obvious sensation I feel with the angels is absolutely no judgment, no punishment and no scolding. Angels are fierce with unconditional love, gratitude for any living being on this planet and they also have a sense of humour. They lovingly watch us and guide us through our crap. Angels will only help you if you ask them for help. They do not interfere in your decisions or life although they can step in if it is threatened and it is not your time. We all have a guardian angel.
Angels speak to me through feelings and knowing. When they contact me the thoughts and sensations that I have are flashes within my being and somehow they work through me and with me when I’m with clients. The gift I have is the energy I channel and the way they operate is through my heart.
I’m shy talking about angels because of the ideas and opinions that many people have already formed and I guess my biggest fear is that people think I’m whacky. Now I’m 40 it’s not such a big deal. I am whacky and who gives a fuck!!! Maybe I’ve surrendered to my gift and fully embraced all of me. I carry a huge shadow I’ve had to do a lot of work on to learn to love and accept me and I still work on myself, that part is never-ending. But I am what I am and the Angels are here to stay. There’s 89 of them circling me I’ve been told.
So thank you Gabriel for being my first connection and thank you everyone who reads this. It’s a funny feeling exposing my angel gift for what it is and how it appeared. And that’s my secret to what I do, how I work and all the clearings/healings I offer.
Wishing you all a beautiful day… Much Love…
Credits: Dreamstime.com – Feather Flying In Sky Photo