A friend of mine once asked me; ‘how much choice do we have in becoming conscious?’ My initial answer was; ‘I made the choice.’ To which he again asked; ‘how did you choose?’ And when I thought about it; my ‘spiritual awakenings’ did I choose?
The ego side of me had absolutely no choice whatsoever. We can go all ‘spiritual’ and say that I chose my path before I even came here but the experiences that I had that pushed me firmly onto this path were not because I’d ‘been meditating’ or was ‘a yogi’ or even ‘nutritionally aware.’
No. All of that came later.
All of my life I had many ‘psychic’ experiences so my mind was already open to ‘the mysterious universe’ but nothing prepared me for the moments in time when I had a ‘real spiritual awakening.’ I had read one ‘spiritual book’ when I was 24 in-between my partying in Ibiza. Lying on a beach recovering, The Celestine Prophecy just grabbed me. I couldn’t put it down and I really wanted to believe that this ‘higher vibration’ existed. I would say that some books carry a frequency that speaks to your spirit. This was such a book. I then carried on with my crazy life and forgot about it.
I was 26 when ‘IT’ happened. I had been drinking beer all day and playing pool with my boyfriend. We would play for hours and finally after such a day, we left the bar and stepped out onto the beach. We were in Spain and it was sunset. That’s when ‘IT’ happened.
It’s hard to explain with the mind involved because experiences like this are so far beyond. Everything melted and began to shimmer. Imagine a rainbow only brighter and then everything beginning to breathe and vibrate, even the tower buildings had energy and were humming and dancing. The mind had melted, there were no thoughts and I was so high with this vibration that all I could feel was bliss. I actually grabbed my boyfriends hand and told him to ‘feel this.’ We then stood together touching our faces, giggling whilst watching the sun go down. ‘IT’ ended with the sun.
A few months later I was in Sydney Australia. I had been out all night drinking and was with a friend watching the sun come up in a penthouse overlooking Sydney harbor. ‘IT’ happened again. This time I knew ‘IT’. I grabbed my friends hand and also told him to ‘feel this’ and then I just stood silently watching the sun rise whilst everything shimmered and danced and sparkled. Again ‘IT’ was that ‘magic time’ between night and day and once the sun had moved into daylight and I was back in this world, as we know it; I called my boyfriend.
“That thing happened again. I’m not supposed to be travelling right now. I’m coming home.” My travelling plans lasted 2 weeks in Australia.
The third time ‘IT’ happened was a different version. I was 31. My dad was in a coma on his last legs from terminal cancer. I hadn’t slept much because I had spent the night beside him on a chair.
In the Tibetan Book of the Dead they talk about traditions where you can channel someone’s passing. My world turned into slow motion and as I held his hand and closed my eyes, I knew exactly what to do. I went through all the relatives in the room and told him one by one that we all loved him but it was time to leave and when I realized how scared he was; his spirit, I told him to use my body.
There was a series of pops that went through me, my eyes rolled to the back of my head and I was euphoric as I disappeared into this most amazing, wondrous light and then I lost my identity. It was the sobs that bought me back. I slowly realized that everyone was crying because my dad had just died and when I opened my eyes his last breath was leaving his body.
I now know I had a kundalini awakening. Back then it was another ‘IT’. After that ‘IT’ I knew that I had to leave the UK. It was now my ‘real’ time to start travelling.
I call those experiences, ‘free samples’ because I haven’t had anything quite like that since and I have done it all. Vipasanas, yoga reteats, vegetarianism, abstinence from drugs, alcohol, nicotine, sun gazing, the list goes on… Spiritual healing, therapy, smoothies, juices and yeah, I’m a cleaner, more aware human but those ‘IT’S’ happened way before my path.
My point is that spiritual awakenings they find you if you are open to them and the Universe is sneaky.
It catches you when you are least aware. I didn’t suddenly ‘change’, in fact I went back to my toxic way of living after each occasion because that was what I knew. It was a slow metamorphis and by no way am I ‘enlightened.’ Chasing enlightenment for me is another trap. I just wanted to be happy and my past was so dark it held me prisoner.
Spiritual awakenings; free samples suck because it means you have experienced the most beautiful vibration beyond 3D but you are still in 3D.
I can understand why Echart Tolle sat on a park bench in bliss for one year before he wrote The Power of Now. If my ‘IT’ had lasted longer than sunset/sunrise I would have done exactly the same. It means that you cannot forget. You know intrinsically that this dense vibration and world we live in isn’t how it’s supposed to be. It leaves you with an imprint on your soul, a yearning for change, evolution, it’s kinda cruel having to come back into a world like this after tasting that and yet if I hadn’t of had those moments then I wouldn’t be here now to tell my story.
So that’s how ‘IT’ works for me. You get the ‘free samples’ and they change you, slowly, from the inside out and then you have to explore, grow, change and ‘self heal’ because deep inside you know that you are living in a multi dimensional, living, breathing, Universe and you may not have ‘chosen’ to wake up but once it is happening there is no going back…